


a future

by angelicpdf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester-centric, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27785887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelicpdf/pseuds/angelicpdf
Summary: A little fix it regarding the papers on Dean's desk in 15x20.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	a future

He could have lived up to John, could have lived up to heaven and hell. Could have been “the ultimate killer.” But he really didn’t want to be. The world could shove him every which way, could push him forwards and backwards, but it didn’t know what he wanted. Dean Winchester wanted to help. He cared. So the application sits on his desk, his signature adorning the bottom line, right below the application requirements. He spent weeks on his little essay, on his resume thingy, and on trying to make 15 years of killing monsters with his brother seem like something entirely different. 

He doesn’t tell Sam and he doesn’t even let himself hope. The world has been entirely too cruel for him to hope that this one, small yet monumental thing, could work out. So he lets it sit on his desk for another week, until there are four days left to hand it in. After staring at it and letting his sweaty palms dampen the pages, he goes to start the impala, the application riding shotgun. 

The campus center looks basic, stone stairs leading up to double doors made of glass. Gaggles of students pass back and forth, entering the building and exiting with practiced ease. Dean can’t even imagine what kind of confidence, self assurance it would take for him to feel comfortable doing the same. Dwelling on it gets him nowhere, so he exits the car, grabbing the application in shaking hands and stomps up the steps. He breathes, breathes again and pushes open the door. 

A receptionist glances up at him from the desk, he’s a younger guy with shaggy hair that reminds him so much of Sam. Sam from before he dragged him into this mess, a Sam that still had so much more than monsters ahead of him. Dean walks up and shoves the packet of papers at him, all nervous energy and tension. 

“Um, my application - my application to the nursing school.” Dean manages to say and the receptionist looks startled for a moment, before breaking out into a grin. He takes the stack of papers and rifles through them for a moment, as if trying to decide what to say. 

“That’s great, actually, we’ve been needing nursing students, even just applicants, the region is kinda running short ya know? Hospitals are kinda getting the short end of the stick recently.” He stops talking and looks up again at Dean, who imagines he must look something like a beached fish. He ends up nodding at the receptionist, once, twice, five times before he stutters out - 

“When should I hear back abouts?” He wants to sink into the floor a little bit, but manages to keep his gaze steady and the guy nods back, 

“We accept these on a rolling basis, so about every two weeks we send out decision letters.”

And with that, and a twisting feeling in his gut, Dean leaves and tries not to vomit on the side of the road as he heads home. The air in the bunker feels a little lighter when he enters, as if it's telling him he made a good choice, a personal choice. 

\----  
Three weeks pass and Dean still has no idea what he’s waiting for. No idea what he would do even if he was accepted. So he’s on edge, jumpy and angry all the damn time. He takes to working out, takes to cooking every damn meal like it's his last. Sam pries, and pries at Dean until they have a screaming match in a McDonald’s drive thru. Dean ends up backing out of the line and fuming the whole way home, his fists gripping the wheel like a lifeline. Sam slams the door to his room and so does Dean and he feels 26 again. Feels like he’s shoved himself into a life that isn’t and would never be meant for him. 

The letter comes in the mail the next day. Dean isn’t the one to pick it up either, he isn’t even awake when Sam arrives back from their PO box. He isn’t awake when Sam shoves the letter under his door and walks away. He isn’t awak for Sam going for his second run of the day. But he is awake very soon after and when he sees the letter, unopened but so obvious in its appearance, he just sits on the floor with his head in hands. Eventually he grabs the letter, which is the size of a packet, and tears it open with his teeth. 

He turns the packet over and lets its contents flutter to the floor, a sticker, a thick looking pamphlet, and a few smaller papers fall out. He reaches for the folded letter on top and for the sticker. The sticker just reads “Hastings College” in red and white letters, so he unfolds the letter as he breathes in, and again, deep and steady. 

“To Dean Bradburry, 

Congratulations! You have been accepted to attend Hastings College beginning in the spring semester of 2020 -”

He skims the rest of the letter, but returns to the top line just to read it like the words aren’t real. Dean barely hears Sam coming back from his run and he can’t stop himself from bolting out of his room and to the kitchen, where Sam is pouring himself a glass of water. 

A sudden feeling of dread comes over him though, and he’s thrown back to a night in a shit apartment in the spring of 2001. He remembers the fight, the punches, and Sam walking out, Sam being kicked to the curb. He doesn’t want a repeat. So he approaches Sam carefully, and Sam just glances to the letter in his hand and sighs. It isn’t disappointed sounding, or angry, or even defeated. It's almost fond. 

“Did you get in?” Sam’s face is hopeful as he asks, not angry, not dejected or upset. He’s fucking open and looking at Dean like he holds some kind of answer he’s been waiting for. He’s so damn proud when he gets to say -

“Yeah, I got in.” And as if Sam’s face couldn’t get any brighter, he starts to smile and grabs at the letter in Dean’s hand, his eyes scanning the words over and over, just like Dean did. They don’t speak for a couple moments, just taking in the fact that, yes, this was happening. 

Sam looks up at Dean and hands back the letter with reverence, he just stares for a moment, that stupid but loving smile on his face, and tells Dean - 

“I’m so proud of you.”


End file.
